In a study published in Holt-Lunstad and Uchino asked male and female volunteers to wear blood pressure monitors for three days. In other words, you are less able to overlook a thoughtless comment made by a frenemy than one made by someone you think of as supportive. And if anyone tells me that books are full of women like these, it is this very reply, frequently given, which causes me to complain. They know that they stand wrongfully accused, and that the cake has not been divided up equally, for the strongest take the lion's share, and the one who does the sharing out keeps the biggest portion for himself. Julianne Holt-Lunstad et al. My response is that women did not write these books nor include the material which attacks them and their morals. Therefore, since it is necessary to call on such skill, ingenuity, and effort in order to seduce a woman, whether of high or humble birth, the logical conclusion to draw is that women are by no means as fickle as some men claim, or as easily influenced in their behaviour. In a study psychologists Meliksah Demir and Lesley Weitekamp, then both at Wayne State University, gave college students questionnaires about their personality, their happiness level, and the quality and number of their friendships. Other research suggests that ambivalent friends can lower resistance to stress.
But if women had written these books, I know full well the subject would have been handled differently. If such friends make us unhappy, why do we keep them? And if anyone tells me that books are full of women like these, it is this very reply, frequently given, which causes me to complain. But intriguingly, blood pressure was also more elevated in the presence of ambivalent friends than it was with people the subjects disliked but could not avoid such as classmates or co-workers. The number of friends, on the other hand, had no significant effect on how happy a subject was. Or a buddy who helped you through a bad breakup, then flirted with your ex? Then the volunteers completed two stressful exercises: In a study Holt-Lunstad and graduate student Briahna Bigelow Bushman found that people hang onto difficult friendships deliberately—because the relationship has a long history, because the good in the relationship outweighs the bad or because, for whatever reason, they just do not want to give up on the person. And why don't women quickly succumb to them, without the need for all this skill and ingenuity in conquering them? They know that they stand wrongfully accused, and that the cake has not been divided up equally, for the strongest take the lion's share, and the one who does the sharing out keeps the biggest portion for himself. So far they are finding that such ties have negative effects on mental and physical well-being, boosting blood pressure and risk of depression while lowering resistance to stress. And that disappointment, or fear of it, can negatively affect your health. You expect very little from someone you loathe, Holt-Lunstad surmises, whereas ambivalent friends, unpredictable as they are, often raise your hopes only to dash them. Our lives are riddled with frenemies. Briahna Bigelow Bushman et al. In other words, you are less able to overlook a thoughtless comment made by a frenemy than one made by someone you think of as supportive. My response is that women did not write these books nor include the material which attacks them and their morals. Unhealthy Ties Ambivalent relationships may do more than dishearten. If talking about politics or religion has led to snide remarks, steer clear of that subject. Understanding Social Relationship Maintenance among Friends: Fingerman has found that people are likely to view spouses, parents, children and siblings with more ambivalence than friends and acquaintances. Quality over Quantity Humans are an extremely social species, and a friendless existence has many drawbacks, including depression, hypertension and cognitive decline. But frenemies are consistently imperfect, scoring low on factors such as reliable alliance and self-validation, for example. Therefore, since it is necessary to call on such skill, ingenuity, and effort in order to seduce a woman, whether of high or humble birth, the logical conclusion to draw is that women are by no means as fickle as some men claim, or as easily influenced in their behaviour. But if you want to be happy and by extension, healthy , having lots of friends is much less important than having good ones. They include the well-meaning friend who is overly competitive, the pal who is a pillar of support when times are tough but cannot quite take pleasure in your successes, and the college buddy who drops everything to lend you a hand when you need one but gossips about you later. Many are in the family.
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